History Repeating…

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  ~ Albert Einstein

This is how I feel at least twice every day.

Why did I just pick up that bin full of potato heads?  They’re just going to dump it out again.

What is the point in folding Mason’s clothes and putting them in the dresser?  You know he’s going to pull them all out and pee on them as soon as you put him to bed.

How many times are you going to say “Use your inside voice!” before you learn that the children don’t have inside voices?

Pick up this, put it away.  Step on it again in twenty minutes.  Pick it up, put it away, step on it again in twenty minutes.  Pick it up, put it on a shelf, step on it again in twenty minutes.  Pick it up, throw it in the garbage, go hide in closet.

Don’t jump on the furniture!  Stop throwing things at the television!  Don’t hit your brother!  Stop screaming!  Leave the dog alone!

These things.  These ridiculous things just keep happening over and over again – yet I continue to try, over and over again.  Hoping, with some sort of sich masochism that one of these days I will actually get a different result.

Who knows, maybe one day I will.

Anyway, we went to the library Friday to pick out some movies for the weekend.  It occurred to me, while standing there listening to Mason scream at Kaleb and Kaleb scream at me in the middle of the children’s section that the kids have never seen Mary Poppins.  Oh, wait.  I have never seen Mary Poppins.  I know, I know, major Fail.

I was too preoccupied falling in love with Beauty and The Beast and The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  Both of which my kids have seen at least five times each.  I wasn’t the “Spoon full of sugar” kind of kid, so to speak.  I was definitely more “Time Warp”.  But still – what kind of self respecting movie-night making mother am I if I don’t sit down and watch the lady with the crazy umbrella (Mary Poppins is the one with the umbrella, right?) fly around the tv?

Right then I decided to remedy my Mary Poppins problem and borrowed it from the library.  Since we’re spending the weekend celebrating Kaleb’s graduation to Kindergarten I figure it will be a perfect addition to our party.  But first things first, we needed Shrek 4.  Last week was so rough I opted to make this week as much like a vacation as I could.  Which meant 7 days of movie nights, favorite foods, fun and games, and lots of low key fun.

We watched the first three Shrek movies throughout the week, at least three times each, and now we needed Shrek 4. We took a break from the movies on Wednesday since Uncle Ed came into town to play, which was awesome.  It’s been years since we got to see him, and the boys certainly did their best to make up for it!

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So when we went shopping on Friday after the library we picked up Shrek 4.  Unfortunately, by the time we got home both of the kids were walking nightmares.  Screaming, fighting, throwing, kicking, you know the drill.  Mason screamed for an hour because he wanted cereal, Kaleb screamed because Mason was screaming.  By 6pm Friday night Mason had put himself to bed and was sound asleep.  So, our celebration got postponed until yesterday.

We spent all day yesterday making a mess of the house we had just cleaned.  We made our fruit fondue dip, and while it was setting Kaleb and I set to making some spinach dip.  Though he suddenly stopped me and said:

“Mommy, I don’t want spinach dip.”
“Oh? What do you want instead?”
“Peas dip.”
“Peas dip? What would you put in something like that?”
“Peas, tomatoes, cheese, milk, cookies, and olives!”
“Buddy… that sounds really gross.”
“No! Everyone loves peas dip!”
“Okay, let’s just stick with spinach for today, what do you say?”
*sigh* “I guess mommy. But only because you’ve been a very good girl today.”

My kid is truly silly sometimes.

We filled up on our dips and snacks and settled in to watch Shrek Forever After.  Fifteen minutes in, Mason jumped up, ran to the popcorn machine, grabbed his favorite popcorn cup and started screaming for the popcorn machine.  So, we took a break and made some popcorn.

Settled back in to watch Shrek 4 – and didn’t get very far.  Fighting, fidgeting, screaming – oooh my.

Both boys went to bed around 9, and I vowed to finish this party today.

So, we’re going to make puppets with paper bags and have a puppet show.  And we’re going to watch Mary Poppins.  And we’re going to continue to completely destroy the house – because, well… the bins are already dumped out everywhere, we might as well play!

Then we will get up tomorrow, and clean the house again.  Wreck and repeat.  Insanity I say.

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Clean Up Woman…

I can’t stand garbage day.  Not because I mind taking out the trash so much – that in and of itself is no big thing.  I’d much rather do that than dishes or laundry.  No, it’s the compete sense of panic I get when I realize it’s garbage day.

Usually this occurs between 9 and 10am – when I hear the truck coming down the street.  Crap, Crap, Crap!  Run to the diaper genie, open, gag, empty, gag, check can freshener, close, throw bag of unnaturally stinky Huggies into bathroom garbage bag, grab bag and do a fast turn around the house.  Run to the porch and empty that bag.  Run to the garage, why won’t this thing open faster??  Take bags to can.  Run can to the curb just in case the truck is faster than me.  Back inside to grab the kitchen bag Oh no.  I forgot to clean out the fridge.  The truck is coming.  Would I rather the trash stink for a week or the  fridge be a little crammed.  Oh here it comes, forget the fridge!  Grab whatever boxes I can get my hands on, run to the can, throw the bag in, start ripping apart boxes, duck back into the garage just before the truck pulls up in front of our house.  I really don’t want to have to face the garbage men.  Because as I much as I despise garbage day (usually entirely my own fault for forgetting about something that has happened every Thursday for four years), I know those guys hate me.  They have to.

Today wasn’t that bad.  Mostly because I was struck with an insane bout of insomnia last night (BTW the movie John Tucker Must Die is garbage.  Thanks for sticking with my theme, while wasting two hours of my time Oxygen Channel), so I went around and gathered everything I could get without waking the kids and put it all in the garage.  Then I got it all out to the curb while waiting for Kaleb’s bus this morning.  Easy Peasy.

Our amount of weekly garbage is ridiculous.  Between the kids – Mason’s diapers, Kaleb’s art that Mason destroys, Kaleb’s art that Kaleb destroys, stuffed animals the dog destroys – and us, we have a lot of garbage each week.  Especially this week.  After finishing Kaleb’s room, starting on Mason’s room, the fishy catastrophe, and just your run of the mill normal weekly trash – those guys are going to want to shoot me.  Of course, it’ll be just as bad next week because I opted to wait to put out the box Mason’s bed came in until next week – for fear that they already won’t take our full can, two black bags, and the giant box filled with boxes.  And don’t forget I’ve decided to go a little cuckoo-cachoo and have started ripping the whole house apart to “spring clean”

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I don’t know why I felt the need to do this.  I am not a spring cleaner.  I am a “get as much done while the Monsters are sleeping” cleaner.  And even that’s an exaggeration.  Our house is cluttered – primarily because I do not see the point in spending two hours cleaning the house up while the kids are napping, just to have Mason come back out here, dump out the balls in the ball bin, have Kaleb throw the box of wooden blocks, and who knows what other absurd mess they will create within the first two minutes of entering the living room.

Usually by the time they go to bed, I’m left sitting here staring at the flash cards and bouncy balls, I’m just resigned to living in the clutter forever.

But now.  Now I’ve got some insane wild hair up my rear end – and have decided that every closet, every cabinet, every drawer is going to be cleaned out and de-cluttered.  I’m going to add to my garage sale (in the hopes that we will actually manage to do that next month) pile.  I’m pretty sure I’m either delusional or I’ve gotten really good at lying to myself, because the every day me thinks the rest of me has gone completely bonkers (Yeah totally nuts! Terrific, now I’m singing the theme song from a 90’s cartoon).

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Though, I guess if I’m going to clean I’ve got some pretty good company for it.  Well, kinda.  Mason likes to “help” mommy clean.  I enjoy this, because it’s sweet, and it’s probably good stuff for him to be learning early on.  Except Mason’s idea of cleaning, is more like drive-you-crazy, put-the-clean-laundry-in-the-washer, scream-when-you-won’t-let-me-sit-in-your-lap-while-it’s-full.  This is not the kind of help I’m looking for.

 Please don’t throw that diaper in the toilet.  Oh, come on!  Why would you throw the diaper in the toilet??  No!  Get your hand out of there!  Mommy will get it!  Yuck!  Get back!  No!  Don’t… oh Mason, seriously?  Did you have to jump on the two piles of sheets I was trying to sort?  *sigh*  I guess I might as well take a break.  Come on, let’s read a book.  What?  Why are you screaming now?  No!  Don’t eat that!  Get the bath fizzies out of your mouth!  Come on, out!  Out out out!!

So, “spring cleaning” the boys bathroom will be put off until nap time.  When he won’t actually take a nap – he’ll stand at the gate and yell at me because he wants to “help”.  This is why I”m not a “spring cleaner”.  Cleaning is bad enough, doing it with Captain Destructo is just not happening.

Which doesn’t really matter right now.  Mason has an audiology appointment today (for a hearing test).  I remember this.  I remember doing this with Kaleb – when he was having a really good day.  It sucked.  A lot.  Now we’re doing it with Mase, who has half the language Kaleb did at this age.  Oooooh joy.  This is going to be one of those “Mommy treats herself to a super big latte after nightmare appointment” days.  Then again, it might not be.  He might put on his People Personality and get through it no problem.  Though given the combative mood he’s been in since 6:30 this morning I seriously doubt it.

Speaking of Mase and appointments – I got a call from Child Find yesterday, to schedule his school evaluation.  Awesome.  Want to know when it is?  48 hours before his eval to be diagnosed.  Oh.  Joy.  Well, this will make for an interesting week.  Of course, Kaleb is going to be out of school then as well.  That will either help, or cause a complete disaster depending on how he and his brother interact that morning.

At least it’s finally happening.  That’s a plus, and I’ll take it.  In the meantime I’ll focus on each week as it comes – because somehow our schedule is filling up faster than fast.

On a final note – this is my 100th post.  That’s kinda cool.  So to all you wackos who have been reading this lunacy – thank you!  It’s nice to have company on my way to the asylum.

Clean Up Time…

558384_4424264520190_1270815831_nI hate cleaning.

There.  I said it.

I absolutely abhor dishes.  And laundry.  Don’t even get me started on laundry.  It wouldn’t be so bad if the Mini-Monster didn’t insist on pulling all of the clothes out of his and his brother’s dressers every time I finally finish putting it all away.  But he does.  And I despise laundry.

Unless I’m angry or frustrated.  Then the crazy clean fairy comes out and will scrub that grout to a sparkly shine.  This is only entertaining when it happens early in the morning and Daddy wakes up to find me scrubbing something – his immediate concern about my impending explosion (which really is rarely based on anything having to do with him) is almost enough to make the crazy clean fairy pack up her favorite cleaning toothbrush.

Anyway, I’m not by any means the mom with the clean house.  Do I let the kids pick up a fruit snack they dropped on the floor and pop it back in their mouth?  Of course I do.  Is the floor actually clean enough to eat off?  Not a chance.  I think of it as good exercise for the immune system.

I probably shouldn’t have let that little confession slip.  Oh well.

Anyway, the other day we were cleaning.  Partly because we have company coming, partly because Daddy comes home in a couple days – but mostly because the house is completely trashed and mommy had PMS.

Of course, as much as I dislike cleaning – it’s a million times worse with two sick kids, and one tired one.  Throw in the little dog who is DETERMINED make me trip and break my neck – mommy was kinda scary that day.  It shouldn’t have taken me more than 20 minutes to clean the kids rooms.  The only thing in Kaleb’s rooms were Legos – and while Mason’s room looked like it was struck by the Toys-R-Us tornado, it was mostly big stuff – easy.

Wrong.

The two little ones were right behind me making bigger messes out of the toys I had just cleaned, the dog was wherever my feet were going, and Kaleb was just standing in the doorway screaming.  It took me nearly two hours to clean those two rooms.

Why?  Why can’t you just let mommy clean?  Not that it much matters.  Two days later the house once again looks like it was struck by a kid tornado.  It all just seems kind of futile and insane.  Clean.  Destroy.  Clean.  Destroy.  Wash, rinse, repeat.

I suppose the point of this is just for me to admit that we’re a mess.  The laundry is almost never put away the same day it’s washed.  I’d probably go postal without the dishwasher.  And my kids are like little disasters just waiting to happen.  But the toys everywhere are also a sign of how much fun we have.  The crumbs on the floor are dropped at meals that we all enjoy (rarely together since I don’t actually get to eat most of my meals, but still).  Our house is a mess.  You can pretty much count on that.  But we have oh so much fun making it that way.

So now our company is here. And she walked into a bit of a disaster.  But, it wasn’t as bad as it could be, so I’ll take the win.  Plus, the house smells like muffins right now, and that makes everything better.