Mason, the murderous fish Monster has struck again.
And this time it was catastrophic. 7 dead fish. Every single fish left in the tank is now floating in the bottom of a bowl. Life cruelly ripped away from their glowy fins.
And of course, it couldn’t have come at a worse time.
I’m writing this from the quiet comfort of Granny K and Grandpa Dave’s house in Massachusetts. The fish incident happened on Sunday night – as Daddy and I were attempting to pack everyone’s bags, clean the house, and make sure we weren’t forgetting anything of relevance. As I sat on the floor in the office switching Kaleb’s clothes to a different suitcase (I am constantly forgetting how big he is now – therefore, I always forget how much room he needs for clothes), Kaleb did something he wasn’t supposed to do. I can’t even remember what he did at this point. What I do remember is yelling “Hey!” which was followed immediately by a sinking feeling in my gut when Mason was the one to react to the admonition.
His reaction was typical trouble maker Mason. He squealed, he laughed with conspiratorial joy, took off across the house, and when he thought nobody was looking he pulled a 180 and went back to what he was doing. I asked Kaleb to find Mason and then tell me what he was doing. Daddy heard this and went to look for Mason as well. Before Kaleb could tell me Mason was playing in the fish tank, I could hear the vein in Daddy’s forehead yelling (telepathically of course, I do know that veins cannot speak) for me to get my butt in gear and get over there before he succumbed to a stroke.
For two minutes we just stood at the counter (after properly yelling at and shooing away Mason) staring at the fish tank, wondering what on earth he’d thrown in it. Finally, it was Daddy who figured it out.
“It’s Ritz Bitz.”
“What? It can’t be Ritz Bitz. I watched him shove practically the entire bowl in his mouth not fifteen minutes ago. Where would he have gotten more?”
“He must have chewed them up then spit them back into the tank.”
“Why?? Why would he do such a thing?? Who spits half eaten Ritz Bitz into a fish tank??”
The answer, of course, is Mason. Mason drags a stool over to the bar where the tank resides. Mason removed the lid from the tank. Mason spit a loaded mouth full of chewed upon Ritz Bitz into the tank. And in doing so, Mason sealed the fate of the fish.
Daddy left to get a haircut, and I got to work on the tank – all the while giving Mason an imaginary verbal lashing the likes of which he will likely never see. I emptied the tank, scrubbed it out, scrubbed the rocks, refilled the tank, and dumped the rocks back in. Only to have a couple hundred tiny pieces of Ritz Bitz float out of the rocks. Oh, Come on. Really?
Empty the tank, clean it again, scrub the rocks again, fill it back up, dump the rocks back in… and still there are Ritz Bitz. You have got to be kidding me – I would be pulling out my hair if my hands weren’t prunes.
Empty the tank, clean it again, say to hell with it and grab the small back of spare rocks in the cabinet, dump those in the water – no Ritz Bitz! Pull out the filter and throw it in the trash upon realizing it’s covered in a gooey, buttery cracker layer. Open up the new filter and run it under the water for a couple minutes, put it back in the tank. Treat the water in the tank and start up the filter. Daddy comes home from getting a haircut.
Finally, we transfer the fish back to their nice clean home. And one by one, they completely spaz out. Twitching, spinning, slowly sinking to the floor. some of them seem to react when they get close to the filter. Some of them just act all nuts for no visible reason. Until, fifteen minutes after taking them out of the yucky Ritz Bitz infested water – they are all dead.
Kaleb watched this whole thing happen – and it was a bit disturbing to see how easily he took the whole “the fish are dying right now as I watch” thing. One by one we pulled them out of the tank. They ended up sitting in the bottom of a bowl on the kitchen counter because I was sad and couldn’t bring myself to flush them (yes. I am sentimental about the fish. The fish I didn’t even want.). I then catch Mason throwing popcorn in the bowl of dead fish. Oh child. What on earth is wrong with you? Why would you torture the already dead fish??
Anyway, I’m pretty sure we’re done with fish. It was a nice idea. In practice, it was traumatic. Especially for Daddy, the fish, and myself. I’m really glad we didn’t end up getting a hamster.
So, we are on vacation. We’re spending one week with Daddy’s parents and family, and then we’re spending four days with my grandparents. The last time I was up north Mason was barely a year old, and it was winter – so I froze my bony butt off. But now… well, when I said earlier that it’s quiet – I certainly wasn’t talking about my kids (when are they ever quiet??), I was talking about the area. We’ve lived in our neighborhood for a little over four years. In that time I’ve becoming increasingly better at ignoring all of the constant noise happening around us. But sitting here this morning, I listened to nothing. Nothing. I barely even knew what to do with myself. There was no traffic, no planes starting up or flying overhead, no lawn mowers or any other kind of motorized noise.
It’s been so long since I’ve been around the quiet, when I first woke up I legitimately thought something was very, very wrong. I knew I wasn’t deaf – I could hear Daddy snoring. Zombie apocalypse? Maybe. But there are too many houses around for us not have heard some zombie-like noises throughout the night. Nuclear bomb? Well. Really. I happen to be really fond of myself, but even I know I’m not good enough to survive a nuclear attack that wipes out every other noise around me.
Of course, it was around that time that I fully woke up and realized it was just that quiet. And as much as I relished it, a part of me was silently grateful when the kids got up and started running amok. At least the chaos confirms that not only has there been no sort of apocalypse (after all, Mason needs at least three more years to finalize his plans), Hell has obviously not frozen over since neither of them were behaving.
Anyway, as soon as we arrived yesterday Mason jumped out of the car and headed for a mud puddle (it was raining). Which he proceeded to jump, skip, and crawl around in with the kind of glee you rarely see on his face unless he’s making his brother crazy. It will definitely be an entertaining week.