This is a point in time where most people are typically still snuggled in their beds, dreaming of whatever it is they are dreaming of.  I was too.  I was dreaming about sleeping.  It was really pretty awesome.

Until a scream shattered my sleeping dream.  Not a scream of terror – no nightmares here.  Not a scream of pain – no mishaps or accidents happening.  No, the scream that woke me went a little like this:

“Mommy!!  You have to get up now because Mason is naked!”

Come on!!  You cannot be serious.  Of course, it’s Kaleb – and Kaleb does not joke about naked Mason.  He is definitely serious.

I zombie-walk to Mason’s room, mentally trying to count how many hours of consecutive sleep I actually managed to grab.  Let’s see.  I fell asleep around 10.  Mason woke up screaming at 10:30.  I fell back asleep around 11:30.  Kaleb started to sleep walk to our room and tripped over who knows what – all I know is I woke up to him crying on the floor in the office around 2.  He didn’t appear to be seriously hurt, I couldn’t see any bumps or bruises, so he probably just freaked himself out more than anything.  I went back to sleep around 3.  Mason got naked at 5.  So that would be 5 hours.  Better than it could have been, I’ll take it.  

Get Mason dressed, get the boys breakfast, clean up the kitchen, start laundry, make a cup of coffee, realize I just poured the last of the creamer in my cup.  Crap.

This is not a good way to start a day!

Of course, on top of that, I’m really sad Kaleb is going to miss his Pre-K graduation today.  I really wish he could go – but I can’t send him.  He still doesn’t understand why he can’t go back to school.  Sending him in for this one thing and then bringing him home will only further confuse him.  But it’s really heartbreaking for me.  Over the past two and a half years he has earned this little milestone, and I hate that we’re missing it.  Every time I think about it I want to cry.  I know it would be more for me than for him – things like that tend to flutter over Kaleb’s head like butterflies.  And it would be selfish of me to even consider going after all he’s gone through over the last few months.  But it’s heartbreaking nonetheless.

I can’t help but look back at where he was when he first started school.  Mason was just a baby.


Kaleb was so completely excited, but so completely confused at the same time.

049 054 061He could barely contain himself.  And he did wonderfully.  He had an incredible teacher who made all the difference when it came to my Monster Man.  She was patient and understanding, she went out of her way and took the time to understand him and his complicated mind.  We couldn’t have been luckier.  For the first year and a half of his school career she was there to support him – even when he wasn’t in her class any longer.  I’ve basically made it my mission in life to ensure that Mason lands in her class come October when he starts school.

Kaleb grew, physically, academically, and socially.  We went from being terrified to put him on a bus to him being a bus riding pro.  He began to understand the concept of sharing.  His written language skills exploded and his verbal language doubled.  He had made such huge leaps, it was incredible to see his beautiful brilliance finally shining through all of the struggles.

We looked forward to him starting the new school.  It was exciting to know this would be the last round of pre-k for him, in just one short year he would be a kindergartener.  The year started off great.  He liked the new school, and so I did I.  He made new friends, was excited to get on the bus each morning, and everything seemed to be going right.

And then everything changed.  He got a new teacher, new students were introduced, and bit by bit we watched him start to struggle.  The phone calls suggesting I pick him up started to increase.  His behavior started to deteriorate.  Getting ready for the bus became a fight.  Day by day things got harder and harder.  The meltdowns started to escalate again.  Then the suspensions started.  And things just kept getting worse.  He started regressing, behaviorally and academically.

As you probably know by now – we had meeting after meeting.  Tried all that we could think of.  Then things got so bad Kaleb nearly hurt another student badly.  And I hit my limit.  So, I pulled him out.  We’re waiting for his neurologist to fill out the paperwork for Hospital/Homebound and we’ve pulled Kaleb out of school.  For both his sake and the safety of the students around him.  It was a decision that had to be made – one that wasn’t made lightly, and one I  stand by 100%.

But it’s still sad to know that Kaleb is missing his graduation day.  Daddy pointed out that next year’s kindergarten graduation will be 100 times better – and that hadn’t even occurred to me.  So I’m grateful for the reminder.  I know that there will be graduations after this.  Milestones and events.  But that doesn’t make today any less sad.  What that reminder did do is determine what we are going to be doing today.  We’re going to have our own graduation party.

We’re going to go to the library and pick out some new movies for the weekend.  Then we’re going to buy new popcorn sprinkles, a graduation hat, some pigs in blankets and some of Kaleb’s other favorite junk foods.  No pity parties here.  Instead, we’re going to have a graduation movie night like no other!  That is, if I can keep Mase and Leah clothed long enough to get to the store.


3 thoughts on “Graduation…

  1. As soon as I saw that you weren’t able to go to the school graduation I hoped you’d be having your own! What a great idea. I don’t have autism or indeed any other kind of diagnosis, but I found and still find school events overwhelming, over-stimulating and hard to cope with, so I am opting out of my (university) graduation party in favour of a private one with my mum – much more fun! I realise it must be hard having to do this for reasons beyond your control instead of choosing it, but I really hope it turns out to be the best thing for Kaleb and the whole family. Good luck!


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