This word has become an instant headache in the world of Monsters.
Kaleb needs things to be perfect. Everything from Legos to toilet paper. Yes. Toilet paper. Every day I find squares of toilet paper in the bathroom sink. Because they were not torn off the roll perfectly. One tear, one rip, one corner less than perfect and in the sink it goes. It isn’t even good enough to throw in the toilet. Because it’s not perfect.
Need a paper towel to wipe your hands? If it’s not ripped perfectly it’s trash.
Want to color? One mark outside the line and you’re looking at a brand new piece of garbage. Before you know it there are twenty pieces of paper littering the floor, all ruined.
Of course, this isn’t just Kaleb anymore. It’s Mason too. He will painstakingly line those cars up along the edge of the table before dinner. If I should accidentally bump one while trying to give the kid his food – take my word for it, DUCK! If you move the balls lined up on the window sill there will be consequences.
And oh, you might as well just punch me right in the face if you should accidentally trip over the boobie traps they both frequently set up in front of their bedroom doors. Meticulously placed blocks, legos, trains, dinosaurs – all arranged in a certain order – and should your toe so much as nudge one… well. Let’s just say that’s a day you’ll find mommy hiding in the closet.
If a potato chip is broken, it will not be eaten by either child. Are you kidding me?? It’s a chip! I’m letting you eat junk! Nope. Not if it’s broken. Do you have any idea how many unbroken chips there are in a bag of Ruffles? Somewhere around… six. Bananas must be peeled evenly. Apples must be sliced evenly. Love to get dirty – hate to be dirty. Hands must be clean. But heaven forbid they actually keep a room clean.
And here I thought my OCD was bad. We all have some degree of it in the house. But this is ludacris. The volume on Kaleb’s T.V. must be set at an odd number. Or he will stack as many toys as needed to pull down the remote (which is held to the hallway wall with velcro) and fix it himself. Mason will sleep with no less than three non-sleep related items in his bed at night. Daddy has his particularities, heck, even the dog won’t lay down without spinning in three full circles.
Yes, I’m guilty of it as well. All of the CD’s, DVD’s, and books must be alphabetized. And yes, I will notice. I’ve had enough friends in my lifetime who have randomly moved a book from it’s natural location just to see me go nuts – I check them every day. The dishes need to be put in the dishwasher a certain way (or they won’t get clean!! I am not a lunatic for this!!). All of my clothes must hang in my closet facing the same direction, and the hangers must match. So, I can get where they are coming from. Mostly.
I try so hard to teach the kids that nobody is perfect. I mean, really. Mommy is pretty much as far from perfect as you can get. More like ‘a hot mess who has completely lost her mind and still hasn’t figured out how to match her clothes’. But to no avail. Do I want them to strive for perfection? Of course. Who doesn’t want a kid with straight A’s and matching clothes? But more than that – I want kids who are at least somewhat grounded in reality. Life is messy. It’s chaotic, often unfair, and expecting perfection is just setting yourself up for disappointment.
But, I digress. Screw reality. With all the lunacy attached to this pursuit of perfection – it’s still worth seeing their faces light up when they finally get it right. When that little square of toilet paper is just right – everything else is too.
Those little Monsters are just perfect. Booby traps and all.